Last week was tough. I think we can all agree with that. From the loss of Farah Fawcett to the completely unexpected death of Michael Jackson just hours later, for which I had to interrupt a meeting in order to confirm all the tweets I started to receive. The fact that Michael Jackson is no longer with us, will no longer make music, will never perform again, is a strange reality to accept. And just as it was all starting to settle in, again first heard/read on twitter, I discovered that my favorite social studies resource from high school, VIBE Magazine, had closed its doors.
*Deep Breath in, exhale, I'm okay.* I instantly got chills, and a turning knot in my stomach. You see, I may be no journalist, but I love to write. I am not a musician, but I am passionate about music. I am not a politician, or community organizer, but matters of society and volunteer work are things I am enthusiastic about. I am not a designer but fashion is what I know, it's the business I am in. VIBE encompassed all of these things for me in my teenage years. VIBE was the fuel that helped develop those passions that molded me into who I am. The glossy covers were the source of my adoration in it's early days. Always sparking some sort of emotion. Always thought provoking; at least for a girl in her teens. In the beginning VIBE covers were statement making. Like Tupac's straight jacket cover, or BIG and Faiths backseat embrace. I subscribed religiously. Waiting for the newest issue to hit stands was torturous for me. I needed to have it first. And so I did, each month. I remember one year I even gifted a subscription for my best friend.
When VIBE was a substantially well written, and edited book(in my non-professional opinion), it was my source for what was going on in the world of black culture. Not just music, but entertainment as a whole, fashion, and society. It made me aspire to be an entertainment journalist. Not really as a career, and not for real, but somewhere inside me I always secretly wanted to work for them. Enough to make my major Journalism after going back to school. Creative Director, Fashion Editor, Contributing Freelancer, any of these titles would have been acceptable to me. I didn't know how, I didn't know when, I just knew it would be. Some day when I no longer required the security of a bi-weekly paycheck, and benefits. Even after the magazine ceased to inspire me, moving in line with the era of bling, and I discontinued my subscriptions purchasing only impressive and inspired issues like the I AM LEGEND 15 year anniversary issue with Jay-Z on the cover, or the Obama issues, it still remained (in my mind) the stepping stone that would eventually launch my career as a writer. I am not idealistic about many things, but this, being a contributor to VIBE, was something I daydreamed about endlessly.
Now that it is gone, there is a certain reality that my ambition was really nothing more than a castle in the sky. Is it possible that I will write one day for a real publication? Possibly. Will I ever write for the monthly publication that inspired me? I think it's safe to say, that will never be. Seasons always have defining events that burn imprints of time, emotion and setting into your reminiscence. So as I say good bye to the many hands that sculpted my ambitions during my adolescence, it saddens me dearly to know that I will remember this summer as one with a mourning VIBE.
*Deep Breath in, exhale, I'm okay.* I instantly got chills, and a turning knot in my stomach. You see, I may be no journalist, but I love to write. I am not a musician, but I am passionate about music. I am not a politician, or community organizer, but matters of society and volunteer work are things I am enthusiastic about. I am not a designer but fashion is what I know, it's the business I am in. VIBE encompassed all of these things for me in my teenage years. VIBE was the fuel that helped develop those passions that molded me into who I am. The glossy covers were the source of my adoration in it's early days. Always sparking some sort of emotion. Always thought provoking; at least for a girl in her teens. In the beginning VIBE covers were statement making. Like Tupac's straight jacket cover, or BIG and Faiths backseat embrace. I subscribed religiously. Waiting for the newest issue to hit stands was torturous for me. I needed to have it first. And so I did, each month. I remember one year I even gifted a subscription for my best friend.
When VIBE was a substantially well written, and edited book(in my non-professional opinion), it was my source for what was going on in the world of black culture. Not just music, but entertainment as a whole, fashion, and society. It made me aspire to be an entertainment journalist. Not really as a career, and not for real, but somewhere inside me I always secretly wanted to work for them. Enough to make my major Journalism after going back to school. Creative Director, Fashion Editor, Contributing Freelancer, any of these titles would have been acceptable to me. I didn't know how, I didn't know when, I just knew it would be. Some day when I no longer required the security of a bi-weekly paycheck, and benefits. Even after the magazine ceased to inspire me, moving in line with the era of bling, and I discontinued my subscriptions purchasing only impressive and inspired issues like the I AM LEGEND 15 year anniversary issue with Jay-Z on the cover, or the Obama issues, it still remained (in my mind) the stepping stone that would eventually launch my career as a writer. I am not idealistic about many things, but this, being a contributor to VIBE, was something I daydreamed about endlessly.
Now that it is gone, there is a certain reality that my ambition was really nothing more than a castle in the sky. Is it possible that I will write one day for a real publication? Possibly. Will I ever write for the monthly publication that inspired me? I think it's safe to say, that will never be. Seasons always have defining events that burn imprints of time, emotion and setting into your reminiscence. So as I say good bye to the many hands that sculpted my ambitions during my adolescence, it saddens me dearly to know that I will remember this summer as one with a mourning VIBE.
0 comments:
Post a Comment